A Modest Proposal

I just finished watching CBGB, the movie. I truly miss the bar that was the subject of the film. When I moved to New York City there were tons of clubs and bars where you could get to hear new music, great bands, fantastic shows. CBGB’s, Continental, Coney Island High, Don Hill’s… It still had a grittiness, a joy that you just don’t get now. Everything now is sanitized, mixed EDM with $14 drinks. The goth bars aren’t goth any more- they’re straight from Hot Topic and a bunch of whiny emo bands who seem to think they invented the genre. The punk bars have all those pseudo punks performing corporate punk covers on $20,000 mixing boards while kids who paid $400 for their jeans pretend to slam dance, careful not to hurt anyone. It sucks. Here’s what needs to happen- all those turds that “gentrified” the East Village need to get lost. Like go somewhere else. Go live in a strip mall or get their asses to Westchester. Then we move the junkies back and trash the abandoned apartments. We chase every last soccer mom/stroller queen out of the West Village put them up in Inwood, then we repopulate the shops with coffee houses and real bookstores. Any cell phone that comes through the door is automatically confiscated and smashed. We replace Marc Jacobs, Coach, and all those designer stores with avant garde artist studios who could give a shit about making it to the 57th Street galleries, and of course we move in more junkies and gays, preferably leather levi lifestyle with extra rough exteriors. Lastly we invade the Meat Packing district, burn Jeffries, Stella McCartney, the Apple Store and every last one of the French bistros, move in biker bars and underground gay clubs. And we get the junkies to trash the multimillion dollar apartments and move in hoards of pre-op transexual/transvestite hookers and flood the streets with cow and pig blood. Then New York Fucking City will have a thriving art and music scene far away from the hipster hell of Williamsburg and all that oily pretension.Who’s with me? Can I can a HELL YEAH??

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